Report No. 2

Hello, and welcome to the second report on the bizarre usenet accessable only by the PC left behind by the wierd alien from the great big space station which once crashed in my back garden, also leaving behind... No, nothing else actually. Hehe.

Browsing around the computer, found a program called 'naranek'. Decided to run it, but everybody I showed it to saw something different. That guy across the road with the wierd hair didn't see anything, though. The main command program was dropped from the central memory, but naranek caught it, fortunately. [1]
Anyway, on to the good stuff:



"Eeeekkkkk shreeeiiiikkk eeeekkk"

Newsgroup: alt.firstones.toasters; alt.firstones.canopeners

OK, that's it, I am sick of this. No matter where I contact, they keeptelling me that the company has moved premises. I mean, they have to besomeplace in known space, that's the whole POINT of calling it known space.
Oh well, I suppose that's what I get for dealing with those
fly-by-nighters. Always thought that salesman was a bit shadowy. Said he could give me anything, and when I told him what he wanted (well, he DID ask), sure I got it. But was it what I'd asked for - No! I'm gonna sue someone! I don't know who...

Lyta Alexander.
Please think your message... NOW!


Very attractive lady with strong Polish/Russian accent seeks partner interested in politics and with excellent mind for reading body language.

(Acting) President Susana Luchenko
My opinions are not always those of my generals - only ever half of them at a time. Still, my posts usually compromise.

Internal BabCom Newsgroup:;; alt.crowds.shortpeople


The 'eyeball' camera and specially built receiver (disguised as a half funtioning stolen hand held TV, to, er, to avoid suspicion) allows you to place the 'eyeball' camera in a hidden area, and watch what you wish!
NOTE::: Only available to hire, and only at night. Must be returned by morning.

Anna Nonymus

Newsgroup: alt.zathras.zathras.zathras.zathras.oprea-appreciation

I say, old chums, wasn't that version of Rossini's La Comte Ory absolutely brilliant last night. I mean, Draal as that servant girl was a bad choice perhaps, but Zathras as the other one, and as for Zathras! Superb! Not to mention Zathras.


Internal Earthgov notice board

Due to (Acting) President Luchenko's dissappearance, we have given the job to an advisory council of two hamsters, three cats, half a cod and two bizarre creatures which only live inside empty speaker battery compartments. Should any information about (Acting) President Luchenko be uncovered, then please report it to the advisory council.

NOTE::: This does not apply to the nonsensical rumours of her dissapperance into a temporal rift with the Babylon 4 station, only to be left in the mid to late 1990s.

And, I also tried some of the IRC channels, there was this really bizarre one #altb5uk. Amazing the things they talked about! I had a laugh by connecting, and telling them the truth about how I feel about stufff like Luchenko, boffing, Luchenko[2], cats, Luchenko...

Oh wait, that was on this PC.
Oh my God, what have I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

So, what did everybody think of that? I'm afraid my sense of humour is a tad, well, bizarre, so many people don't appreciate it. :-(

Bit like my taste in accents, really. :-)

Anyway, if you want any more, feel free to tell me. There's more when that came from :-)

Mark 'a smiley at the end of every paragraph' Dunne :-)

[1] This of course, relies on the fact that you know Kosh's full name is Kosh Naranek. Also relies on you watching Babylon 5, but I'm assuming most readers of do. Still, if you don't, hi, and why?

[2] BTW, there's a comma between boffing and Luchenko. yes, definitely a comma, wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong idea, heheheheh.
/me wipes sweat off brow and smiles nervously.
/me is dragged off by Luch... by one of my cats, yeah that's it.
/me is scratched and bitten by cat.
/me decides not to go into any more detail :-)

1997 Mark Dunne.