Report No. 4

Here you are, as promised, one dish of Spoo.:

Hm, number four, and Mr. Mumble hasn't arrived back to nick his, er, my, er the computer.

I discovered that Doom is installed on the computer, which surprised me, as this computer apparently uses a RISC CPU, and I didn't know there was a version of Doom for that. Still, one lives, one learns.


newsgroup: misc.lost.and.found

Lost in Mars region - large black spidery craft. Reward offered to finders.
Please reply care of anna@icarus.zahadum.com

--
"Time apart can do a marriage good"
anna@icarus.zahadum.com


Newsgroup: alt.jobfinder

Wanted: Rouge telepaths to entertain after a fashion of Julian Clary. Willingness to have, er, special makeup in cerebral cortex needed. Skill at flying large, highly advanced, fighter craft also a bonus. Those who cannot spend several months in cryo and still look good rising from cryo tubes on Earth Destroyers need not apply.

Reply to: biological.entity.resources@admin.zahadum.com

--
The Za'Ha'Dum Biological Entity Resources Department -
seeing to the employment needs of all things black spidery and invisible most of the time.


Internal Ranger Network:

Has anybody seen Marcus around lately? I haven't noticed him for a while, and he doesn't seem to be posting to alt.fan.teletubbies.dipsy any more. I mean, it's not like he could have died or anything, he was safe on Babylon 5 while the big smah up over Earth way was going on.

--
fred@rangers.com


Newsgroup: alt.buy.and.sell

FOR SALE:: Large black company cars for sale, low light-yearage, many modern features, inc. hyperspace wibbling, CD player, sun roof and slicer beam (some mildly damaged and in need of repair) Runs on all variants of teep, and has a very high LYTA[1] ratio. Company moving premises, quick sale a preference.
NOTE:: previous sales notices referring to Mr. Morden should not beanswered, as he is temporarily incapacitated[2].

--
Direct Undamaged Craft Transfer - Teep Allocation, Psi-corp Earth
duct-tape@interlog.com


Newsgroup: alt.services

MEN - ARE YOU BALD?

No?
Don't you wish you were?
No more combs! No more washing of hair!
A quick squirt of Windolene, and you're done!

Plus, blind enemies with your reflective head!

But, you may ask, how do I become bald?SIMPLE!

Just contact getbaldnow@bab5.com

--
Michael Garibaldi, mikey@bab5.com
My opinions are not those of the Earth Alliance or the Babylon 5 command staff, as I am no longer with them. Please reply, I need money.


Newsgroup: alt.clarke.die.die.die

I suppose there isn't any point in keeping
this newsgroup, is there lads?

--
joesoap@idioticname.com



Oh, and I also received an e-mail on this computer yesterday, but I must say it was very offensive.

to: mdunne@iol.ie
from: valen@minbarihq.gov
subject: Moron! Stop messing about!

Look you, we didn't drop the computer off at your hosue so you could mess about on Usenet the whole time, and download pictures of politicians[3], and for goodness sake stop trying to e-mail them as well. Earthforce takes a dim view of people who send suggestions like that to people like that[4], and while they can't do anything to you, you ARE making a right mess of causality. Just leave the computer there as a navigational beacon, and please stop using it's temporalcapabilities the way you are, you bloody fool.

--
I followed Michael Garibaldi's Get Bald Now scheme,
and lost all my hair in next to no time! I'm now
bald, and loving it.
Valen@minbarihq.com,
homepage: http://valen.devil.co.mb/teletubbie.html


As you can guess, I did *not* take kindly to that.
So I in my reply e-mail I threatened to tell Moyra, and that she'd duct tape him to a wall, and then get to work with her knife (the BIG knife). Er, you don't mind, do you Moyra? Last thing I want to do is annoy you.


Now: a vote. Should there be a part five? Or shall I do a Jeremy, and stop posting until I get more replies? Hmm...[5]


[1] LYTA stands for Light Year To Alien-teep.

[2] Which is a, Pune or play on words

[3] I genuinely have NO idea whatsoever at all what he's talking about here.

[4] Obviously a complete lunatic, haha, raving, doncha know...
Nothing here that's accurate, at all.

[5] This is blatantly asking for people to reply saying how wonderful they think my sense of humour is. [6]

[6] I have nothing against the occasional lie. :-)


1997 Mark Dunne.